Frustration isn't a sin (in case you were wondering)
Frustration. We've all been there.
Last Friday, I was in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by grocery bags, feeling frustrated about where to put things—annoyed there was no room in the fridge.
Frustration is an all-consuming emotion that wraps its tentacles around you, often without our permission.
As a bonus, there's guilt that comes with getting frustrated—a feeling that you're "less than" for your lack of stoicism.
And those flawless images on the socials don't help—spotless homes, perfect daily-routines, well-behaved kids, and trimmed bodies.
But you know it’s BS.
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And what if frustration is actually a sign of emotional intelligence?
Frustration happens when we care deeply about something but feel blocked in achieving it.
It's a sign you’re engaged in life.
Apathy, on the other hand, is indifference, an absence of care.
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Even Jesus was frustrated with the misuse of the temple—physically overturning money tables and chasing the pharisees out with a whip!
And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the moneychangers and overturned their tables. My Temple will be called a house of prayer," but you have turned it into a den of thieves!'
Jesus' frustration is a righteous response to injustice. Sometimes frustration is not only justified—it’s 100% necessary.
However, not every frustrating situation is as clear-cut as the one Jesus faced.
Frustration can stem from our own failure to act.
In theology, there are two types of sins—omission (failure to do what is right) and commission (actively doing what's wrong).
Apathy is an omission of action, a failure to address the issues that matter to us.
In her song "All I Really Want," Alanis Morissette expresses her frustration with apathy, singing, "I'm frustrated by your apathy."
Alanis has a bone to pick with apathy—and who can blame her?
There's nothing more infuriating than someone else's indifference on issues that are important to you.
But instead of letting frustration fester, Alanis channeled it into her art. She took that raw emotion and turned it into a powerful song.
And that's the key: don't let your frustration go to waste. It's free energy to be harnessed.
Frustration is a catalyst for innovation or resentment.
Bottle-up your frustration, push it down, and you inadvertently activate a time-bomb.
But it's subtle, as Seth Meyer, a clinical psychologist, highlights.
The process of becoming a bitter person is sneaky and slow, making it difficult to detect while it's happening.
Bitterness starts small, from unresolved frustrations accumulating over time.
Frustrations fester and grow when left unaddressed.
It's like the old parable of the frog in a pot of water. If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will immediately jump out.
But if you put a frog in a pot of cool water and gradually increase the temperature, the frog won't notice the change until it's too late.
Small, unresolved frustrations accumulate gradually.
Don't be like the frog.
Don't let bitterness follow you to the grave.
"Bitterness is unforgiveness fermented."
—Gregory Popcak
Frustration is a powerful force, but it's up to you to decide how you'll use it.
You either let it control you (apathy) or you tame the stallion—harnessing it for something useful.
You might envision a life without any frustration as ideal.
Like reaching ultimate nirvana in your Shangri-La—living happily ever after, stress-free.
But even the Dalai Lama, a man synonymous with inner peace and emotional mastery, experiences frustration.
In a recent interview, he acknowledged feeling frustrated with the lack of progress in discussions with the Chinese government about Tibetan autonomy.
I have to be honest, I'm also human. Not special. I'm a normal human, so I also have anger, fear, frustration.
The Dalai Lama's admission reminds us that that frustration is a universal human experience—It's not about eliminating frustration from our lives but rather channeling it in constructive ways.
Because a life without frustration is a life without challenge, and as Sanjeev Himachali notes in Motivation and Love:
Life without challenges is a boring life.
Frustration can move you to action.
Take Steve Jobs, for example, known for his irritable nature.
His frustration with the status quo and his relentless pursuit of excellence revolutionized the tech industry.
When channeled effectively, frustration drives innovation.
But Jobs is not the first person to grapple with this complex emotion.
Throughout history, frustration has been a constant companion to the human experience, shaping our lives and driving us forward, for better or worse.
As the book of Job (the oldest in the biblical cannon) puts it:
"How frail is humanity!
How short is life, how full of trouble!"
But that trouble, that frustration, is not a bug in the system—it's a feature.
Frustration is a sign that we give a damn.
It’s the catalyst—an energy to extracts from or something that ferments into bitterness, depending on how we handle it.